Happy New Year 2017!

This is an HD version of this ABBA classic. First some fireworks and then the music video which starts about 50 seconds in, (if you want to fast forward). Those of you who know me won’t be surprised at this selection; I’ve been an ABBA fan since I first heard Waterloo In my teens. In 1978 I was in Singapore for a few days stopover enroute home from Indonesian Borneo, when I first saw two movies, Star Wars and ABBA The Movie. I was one happy young person! Ever since I sort of connect those two films which, I have to admit, are a very unlikely pairing. So as I welcome in 2017 I am thankful for the music in my life and the film that helped me dream of a place long ago and far, far away where an amazingly strong woman was played by an equally strong woman we will miss terribly. So, goodbye to Carrie Fisher and all of the wonderful people we lost in 2016 and hello to 2017 where we will band together to fight oppression whether it emits from the new occupant of the White House later in January, or from the alt-right or religious extremists. Here’s to a new year where love trumps hate!

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Ugla Stefanía | Moving Beyond the Binary of Sex and Gender | TEDxReykjavik

This video is an honest, heartfelt presentation where Ugla talks about their gender journey. Here’s the information shared along with this video:

In their talk, Ugla puts the focus on the binary categories of gender and sex and their personal experience as a trans person in a binary, two dimensional society. They will share personal stories, along with informative and radical ideas about gender, sex and sexuality. This talk aims to challenge your ideas the topic as well as give you ideas on how to improve, be more critical and contribute and learn how to be a better ally to trans and queer people.

Ugla Stefanía Kristjönudóttir Jónsdóttir is a trans and queer activist from Iceland. They have been involved in activism for the past 8 years and have been a part of many NGO‘s, including Samtökin 78 – National Queer Organization, Trans Iceland and IGLYO – International Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex Youth and Student Organization. They are currently doing their masters in gender studies at the University of Iceland.

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The Losses of 2016: The Passing of My Youth and Earlier Adult Years

Carrie Fisher, George Michael, David Bowie, Prince, Pete Burns, Alexis Arquette, all, each in their own way, significant in the lived of many LGBTQ people. Alexis showed us how to be brave in confronting your gender identity. Bowie, Prince and Pete Burns from Dead or Alive all challenged gender norms and used gender as another color in their palette in creating iconic onstage personalities. George Michael was pin up boy that became a gay hunk and superstar. These four singers and musicians, David, Prince, Pete and Michael produced music we sang along with, danced to and inspired us to take chances with our wardrobes. Carrie Fisher inspired mind gender creative gay boys, trans femme, non-binary youth and trans girls and women. She was tough and glamorous an irresistible combination.

The there were those who were part of my life and the lives of many others. We saw Muhammad Ali stand up against the draft and an immoral war and went from showing bravery in the boxing ring to bravely battle a debilitating disease. Gene Wilder was the one that made us smile and feel good in so many amazing films. Debbie Reynolds was the woman who lit up movie screens and showed how to deal with personal trauma with grace and style. Florence Henderson was the mom we seventies kids all loved as she and her husband dealt out corny but heartfelt advice to their Brady Bunch. Alan Thicke was the tv dad we all wished we had. Alan Rickman became a hero to nerds everywhere in Galaxy Quest and thrilled us in the Harry Potter films. Glen Fry, along with his band mates in The Eagles brought me and others such joy with their lush harmonies and wonderful instrumentation.

I was coping okay up until the shocking deaths of George Michael and Carrie Fisher. Carrie and I were the same age so we lived through the same eras. This year has felt like the worse years of the AIDS crisis when people your age were dying and you felt sad, vulnerable and helpless. Yes it’s different when people are your friends but loosing the touchstones of your life in entertainment is also traumatizing. Music, movies and television are important parts of our lives. We use them to relax, to dance, to thrill us, to make us think, to make us laugh or cry and yes, to take us to a galaxy long ago and far, far away

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The Third Gender in Thailand – Kathoey

An interesting look at kathoey persons in Thailand, one of several Asian cultures with traditions of more than two genders.

Service Learning in Thailand

Screen Shot 2015-04-27 at 7.05.33 PM

By: Janessa Ilada & Ry Mount

The term “transgender” is rarely used in Thailand. Instead, the common term is, “Kathoey” which was once used to define intersex people, human beings who were born with ambiguous genitalia. Kathoey have become entirely common in Thai society, like everyone else, they go about their daily affairs: shopping, meeting with friends, using public transport, visiting the temple.

It is important to outline the beliefs of Thai-Buddhism to relate it to kathoey in Thailand. In Buddhism, there are 4 genders, not only male and female, but also bhatobyanjuanaka and pandaka.

Bhatobyanjuanaka originally translated to intersexed, but has now become the common interpretation of kathoey, though there still isn’t an adequate translation of this word. Many later texts would include in this category that people who are not physically intersex may be mentally of another gender, i.e. someone in a woman’s body may feel like a…

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On Being Agender – Update December, 2016


Being Me

I originally wrote this two years ago and since then some things have changed and/or I have become more comfortable with. I want to clarify what my particular gender identity is and is not. For me it’s about not being defined by gender which is why I call myself agender. I want to be free to be who I am without constantly censoring myself. I think some confusion arises when people confuse non-binary genders with people who identify with the opposite sex from a binary perspective. I don’t identify as a woman or a man. As an agender person I am genderless; I am beyond gender and am a mixture of traits and style associated with masculinity and femininity as well as a mix of young and old and a bunch of other traits, likes and passions thrown into the mix.

image(Graphic from Hell Yeah Agender)

The issue of dysphoria also is part of the discussion. Dysphoria is the feeling of disconnect and sometimes revulsion with the parts of your body that identity you, to most cis gender people, as either male or female. At first I felt I didn’t have those feelings which is why I identified non-binary and not a trans woman. Now I recognize that I do in fact have dysphoria in some aspects of my life. First let me tackle the non gender related stuff I feel uncomfortable with. I’d love to be thinner. Yes, I lost weight and have continued to do slow slowly. I am left with excess skin in places and, sadly, the fat doesn’t always come off where you want it to. I am hairy and would like to be less hirsute so recently (November of 2016) I shaved a good bit of my hair off. Now I know all women aren’t naturally hair free that’s why there are women’s razors. Hell, if there are bearded ladies why not a bearded agender person?  Nonetheless I have shaved and am becoming more and more pleased with the result. I am editing this from a previous version and notice that my feelings have evolved in the year and a half or more since I originally wrote this.

As I have become more and more comfortable with myself I find something interesting happening. I have become uncomfortable going out dressed in a more masculine manner. This is different from feeling less anxious which can be the feeling when I am dressing more masculine as a way of feeling safe in a taxi with an unknown driver. This feeling though, is more about clothing feeling right for me as a person . I realize this means I feel dysphoria dressing more masculine and less dysphoria dressing more feminine.   As for my “bits” I am comfortable with them. I am a small person “down there” anyway so there is not much to be dysphoric about anyway. 🙂 Sorry if that was to much information but what’s a few inches, (very few), among friends. Ouch, I can’t believe I wrote that back then but since it still applies I will leave it in.


Now let’s get to how I want to decorate my body. This is what is known as gender expres-sion as opposed to gender identity. I  originally wrote “I want to feel comfortable wearing a skirt and knee high socks as part of an outfit that includes clothes some may consider male or unigender/unisex.” I am please to report that I DO feel more comfortable dressing more feminine.  I am beginning  to wear makeup more often. It is usually just concealer, different shades of powder and  lipstick. Still there are times when I feel like just going out as is. It’s about being authentic and just being myself without constantly looking over my shoulder and worrying I’ll be verbally or physically attacked for my wardrobe choices.

I discussed in my coming out piece two years ago how much of my gender identity is related to how I feel inside. The fact is that I have always preferred a personality that some consider feminine. I am a nurturing and gentle presence or try to be. I reserve any anger for systems and people who want to deny me and my LGBTQIA family equal rights or fail to act to save our lives as was the case in the first decade if the AIDS crisis and is true now in the inadequate response to violence perpetrated by haters against LGBTQIA people. I guess what I’m saying is I feel like a mama bear protecting my family.

Perhaps an even better way of looking at it is that between white and black in the visual light spectrum, are all the wonderful colors that the human eye can see. That’s where non-binary genders come in; filling up the gender palette with many different identities just like light breaks up into many different colors when passing through a prism.

Bisexuals face skepticism about their orientation from people who think their clinging to heterosexual privilege. Similarly people with non-binary gender identities, particularly if they were assigned male at birth, are accused of hanging onto male privilege. Neither bisexuals or people with non-binary gender identities are trying to cling onto privilege. In fact if you speak out and are open about your sexual orientation or gender identity you open yourself up for criticism. In my case being perceived as someone who flaunts wardrobe convention and behavioral expectations opens me up to not just verbal abuse but physical abuse as well. That’s the sad reality of a prejudice known as transmisogyny. Trans femme non-binary people like me as well as trans women are disrespected because of the feminity we embrace. Sadly society is still very sexist and that sexism is reflected in misogyny in the case of cis-women and transmisogyny in the case of trans women and trans femme non-binary people like me.So, despite the prejudices and other barriers I just want to be me. The REAL ME! The only thing holding me back is fear and I am  still chipping  away at fear like it was a marble statue. As I’m chipping away more of the real me is revealed to the world!

Scroll down to the bottom of this post to view my piece for Trans Day of Visibility, including a look at the new me!

Here is a great comic from Chaos Life, created by the talented artist A. Stiffler, that defines agender from the perspective of someone designated female at birth (so I am a bit different but not in what really matters):


One more graphic I can’t resist, pardon the language:


Finally here’s my post for Trans Day of Visibility 2015:

I’m Agender and Part of The Trans Community #TransgenderDayOfVisibility

Name: Jerry aka Fairy JerBear

Gender Identity: Agender (neither male or female – beyond gender)

Sexual Orientation: Queer

I came out first as a gay man, then Queer many years ago. Then 8 months ago I came out as Agender. I had always felt that I wasn’t really male but I didn’t feel female either. When I came out as gay and later queer their was no real understanding about non-binary gender identities. You were either transsexual or just an effeminate gay man. There was a movement that merged sexual orientation and gender non-conformity called the Radical Faeries which I admired. It’s founder Harry Hay, felt that gay people were set aside as special to serve as a bridge between genders. Unfortunately the majority of gay men went in the direction of insisting that they were just like straight people except for who they loved. Then along came Queer Nation which radicalized gay politics and rebelled against the mainstreaming of gay culture. They are still around but the focus is radical politics now.

Finally a few things happened for me. A former neighbor of mine identified themselves as genderqueer. I still didn’t recognize myself because what I saw, (I know better now), was more a phenomenon restricted to people who were designated female at birth presenting in a masculine way. Then along came a news story that put all the pieces together. You remember the story from three year’s ago about an agender teen in Berkley/Oakland, California who was riding a bus when their skirt was set on fire! A boy, presuming the skirt wearer to be a boy as well, acted on impulse and set the skirt wearer’s skirt on fire. In any case, as I read how this person, Sasha Fleishman, came to their gender identity I finally realized that their identity was also mine. I love the idea of being beyond gender, of behaving and dressing without regard for gender roles. I like the idea of mix and matching your wardrobe from all of the clothing open to people. A shirt from the men’s section here, a skirt from the women’s there and so on. It was a totally liberating feeling.

I was aided in my coming out as Agender by the wealth of information on tumblr from other non-binary identified people. I owe my new life to people decades younger than I am. I sometimes feel like an honorary millennial. 🙂 I was afraid of how I’d be accepted by those who were binary transgender people but I needn’t have worried the response from the Trans community I’ve connected with has been very welcoming. I’m sure there are pockets of prejudice all around but those are in the minority. I am proud to be part of the Trans Community. I love giving back by, for example, providing some feedback on issues that arise in numerous Facebook non-binary/agender groups I belong to. Sometimes I help others and sometimes they help me. I have become active with the Santa Fe, New Mexico Trans community and marched with them in my first two LGBTQIA Pride events as a part of the community. This is me a chubby, disabled, queer, agender person over (gasp), 55:


The photo above was taken around two years ago. So, to go along with this December 2016 update, I will show you my latest photo in the form of a meme:



More on my story here and here and here.

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Operation Rubber Storm, 1993 – Memorable Events In My Life


This is the first of  a new series I call Memorable Events In My Life. One of the more memorable experiences I had in HIV/AIDS activism was the time a small group of us (sadly two are no longer with us including Michael Quercio who livened things up a bit), decided to make a point about a high school’s refusal to have condoms available in school or offer comprehensive sexual health/HIV Prevention classes. This was the third year of annual event falling on Valentine’s Day, (or in this case the closest school day to February 14th),  which, of course, falls during National Condom Week. We held these annual events, at high schools and youth hangouts every Valentine’s Day. We called these Operation Rubber Storm and what’s part of our overall outreach effort we called the Rubber Posse.

I created a safer sex/HIV prevention Valentine’s Day card and we stuffed it along with condoms and lube into a zip lock bag. On this particular day we targeted a school that two members of our team happened to attend. We all bundled into our vehicles and headed to the high school. This all happened while a bit of a blizzard was happening, perhaps it was on omen.

We arrived at the school and dutifully set up just off school property. When it became obvious that we weren’t reaching as many as we hoped because busses were loaded back washstand up the school driveway. Well Michael in a spontaneous whim, decided that wouldn’t do. So he walked up the drive to the first bus and began distributing our Valentine’s packets. Soon the principal came storming down the drive yelling call 911, call 911! We retreated back to school entrance. When the principal got there he tried to block us from reaching the students. So one or us, probably Michael, tossed condoms over the head of the principal to the students. A few missed the students an landed by the principal, treating them like they were poison, kicked them to the side of the road..

By then a reporter had arrived, (we sent out a press release). His report is below.

Our final tactic was to toss the packets through the open windows of the buses to the eager students inside. Michael even emulated basketball players and slam dunked some packets through the window.

By then the police had arrived. I think the officer was bemused by the goings on. Nevertheless he dutifully asked if we’d gone in the school. We of course said no, if the question was worded differently to include school grounds we might have gotten in trouble but thankfully he just shooed us away. Here’s how the local newspaper reported the event:

Worcester Telegram Gazette

February 13, 1993


Author: Clive McFarlane; Staff Reporter

WORCESTER – In the early hours of yesterday’s snowstorm, a high-spirited group of local activists called the Rubber Posse, stormed the gates of South High Community School, unloading condoms and preaching safe sex.

The group included Michael Quercio, one of President Clinton’s Faces of Hope, Jerry Cheney, the coordinator of the group, and “Bud,” a former South High student who is HIV positive.

In an effort to attain maximum impact, the posse moved onto the school property to intercept students boarding buses.


The trio, however, was quickly chased back through the gates by School Principal James Garvey, who told them the school has an adequate health education curriculum.

“Do not let your principal stop you from getting life-saving information,” shouted Cheney, as Garvey positioned himself between the posse and his students.

Suddenly, a shower of pink valentine cards sailed towards Garvey and the students. The cards, tossed by the posse member, held information about “waiting for sex, safer sex and how to use a condom.” They also held a pair of condoms.

The cards fell to the ground around Garvey and he nudged them with his boots to the side of the road.


Then out of the snow flurry came the flashing lights of a police car. The car pulled up to the posse and a middle-aged officer rolled his window down and asked if the group had been into the school building. Quercio said no, and asked the officer if he needed some condoms. The officer opened his door and spat on the ground.

Not everyone held the same disdain for the group which described itself as a multicultural/multi-agency HIV/AIDS prevention team and boast of distributing some 32,000 condoms and several thousands safer-sex fliers over the last year.

South High students Leo A. Goodwin and Naya A. Byfield, two of a number of students who accepted the group’s valentine packages yesterday, said they have no problems with promoting condoms in their schools.

“I am involved in an HIV program and I believe it’s a good thing that this group is doing,” said Goodwin. “They should do more of it.”

“Not so,” according to Edward Thompson, a parent liaison at the school. “Students should be taught abstinence.”

Educating kids on what they need to do to protect themselves is one of the purposes of their mission, according to Cheney. The other purpose, he said, is to state their displeasure to the School Committee’s continued opposition in allowing condoms to become an integral part of the school’s health curriculum.

“We are concerned that there is a number of gaps in their health curriculum, and we are saying that we and a number of other agencies can augment what they are currently doing,” Cheney said.

But according to Garvey, the School Department is offering a comprehensive K-12 health education curriculum. Freshmen at South High, as at all Worcester public high shools, are required to take a year and half health and safety program, for example, while sophmores are given a sexuality course of 20 class periods, subject to parental approval, he said. In addition, outside health educators are brought in periodically to augment the school’s program.

School Committee member Stephen E. Mills agreed with Garvey.

“I am not against introducing condoms to students and I not against those who take part in these distributions,” he said. “But I belive (condoms) are readily accessible to anyone who wants them. It is my feelings that over the past 30 years the school has taken on a number of social issues that they should not have shouldered. Our job is to educate the children, not to become a convenience store.”

Michael Quercio offered free condoms to people leaving South High Community School yesterday, including man, above, who shook his head “no’ when Quercio said: “Take some home to the kids.’ PHOTO

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Thoughts on Another World AIDS Day

Soon after my first coming out early in 1987 I attended a workshop on AIDS. Soon I was volunteering at a new organization called AIDS Project Worcester. I attended the October 11, 1987 March on Washington that included the first display of the Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt.

In January of 1988 I was hired as an Advocate and Gay Outreach Coordinator at AIDS Project Worcester. Those events set in motion a drastic change in my life. Soon Iwas visiting patients in hospitals and trying to secure benefits they were entitled to like Social Security. Before too long one of my clients who had become a friend, lay dying in a room at Ul Mass. Medical Center. I was there as he took his last, breaths of life. It was a sound I will never forget and still haunts me when I recall that day. My friend died that day, the first of way too many friends to die.

I channeled my frustration, sadness and anger into action. I started an outreach effort to reach young gay/bi youth, hustlers (male prostitutes), gay men and injection drug users. Later we expanded to also reach out to female sex workers. I spent many a eerie night on the streets and parks of Worcester carrying my bag of condoms, lubricant, safer sex cards I designed and, before the days of needle exchange, bleach and instructions to disinfect syringes and other implements.

As illnesses and deaths continued I joined with ACT-UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) for a number of actions. I also organized my own rabble rousing to combat fear and ignorance.

It is hard to explain to those who weren’t there just how your life changed. I changed agencies to focus more on prevention but, because I involved people with HIV as outreach workers and part of our school HIV/AIDS prevention efforts, I was still very involved in the struggles of friends and colleagues living with HIV and in far too many cases dying of complications related to AIDS.

A couple years ago I chronicled the lives of these amazing people. You can read my tribute to those lost here: https://jerbearinsantafe.wordpress.com/shalom-and-lchaim/

As we observe yet another World AIDS Day I urge you to pause and remember those lost and the continuing challenges we still face in countries around the world. That period of my life changed who I was as a person. I no longer can sit back and be a passive observer when I see injustice. I also became more appreciative of life’s daily wonders. Sunrises and sunsets, natural wonders and wonderful people are all more precious to me.

I am now into my third year since coming out as Trans/Agender/Non-binary. I see some of the same attitudes and prejudices faced by communities affected by HIV/AIDS in the eighties and nineties, once again used to target the trans community. As we face the prospect of an administration that is shaping up to be very anti-LGBTQIA+, sexist, and insensitive to racial and ethnic minorities, we must remember the lessons learned and fight like hell for individuals and communities we care about.

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Reflections on The Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. A day each year when we pause to remember all those lost to violence. The sad truth is that this year there have been more lives lost than in any previous year that has been documented. The sobering reality is that most of those lost were trans women of color. The first trans women I really got to know were two African American women who were persons with AIDS in the late 1980s. Their lives had been very difficult and the threat of violence was always there. Sadly they both lost their lives due to opportunistic infections as a consequence of living in a time where medical science had not yet advanced far enough to halt the violence caused by a virus. In reality it was also the violence that forced them to leave home, forced them to turn to sex work in order to survive and substance abuse in order to escape a terrible reality. Jean and Melissa both shared their stories with me and I was proud to call them friends. Back then I was still in the dark about my own gender identity but I was aware it had a connection with those brave women.

So today I morn those lost to violence but also those lost to the violence brought on by a society that forced them to live on the margins. I’m now blessed by having many transgender women and trans femme non-binary trans people in my life. I also have a wonderful family of trans individuals and allies here in Santa Fe. My hope is that trans women forced to the margins will soon be blessed to find a family like this for themselves. In the meanwhile I will do my small part in raising awareness, advocating for laws protecting my community from discrimination, pushing back whenever I become aware of people engaged in the bathroom scare tactics of the right in this country and being part of my trans family in creating a welcoming environment for other trans people looking for a place to call home.

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Watch: Miss Transgender Indonesia 2016 Crowned in Jakarta

As someone who once lived in Indonesia, this makes me happy. I do fear, however, over the seeming rise of anti-LGBTQIA+ rhetoric by fudamentalists, some of whom are in government if reports are accurate.


Qienabh Tappii, a 28-year-old representing Jakarta beat 30 other contestants to be crowned Miss Waria Indonesia 2016. Waria is the Indonesian word for transgender.

About 200 people defied increasing hostility against the LGBT community in Indonesia to attend the competition in the nation’s capital Jakarta.

The event was kept secret with journalists only told hours ahead of time and attendees told not to post on social media until after the event. READ FULL

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Your Non-Binary Gender Identity Is Valid No Matter Your Age

It doesn’t matter when you discover a non-binary gender identity, your identity is valid no matter if your in high school or in a retirement home. I have seen plenty of ridicule aimed at teens and young adults who have come out and declared a non-binary gender. Buzz words like, “special snowflake,” are aimed at youth and young adults who have discovered their gender identity after soul searching and research. If I can help dispel such nonsense, I’m happy to do so. I know if I’d had information about non-binary gender identity available decades ago I would have discovered my gender identity much, much earlier in my life. So I am allowing myself to be an example of an older person with a non-binary gender identity. I hope this helps younger non-binary find support they desperately need. Sure, there will be some who are unsure at first. I had those same doubts. I, however, was able to shrug off those uncertainties and affirm my identity.

I’m a proud trans/agender/non-binary/genderqueer person. This constellation of non-binary gender identities is still coalescing. As a part of that process new identities are being introduced as people review their unique situations. Will this process eventually lead to a smaller number of identities? Yes, I believe it will. What is important is that for many people, who don’t feel completely male of female, or feel like a blending of male and female, or, like me, they don’t feel like either gender, now have an identity. We know that there are others like us and we share our stories. As a result there are fewer people confused about their gender and are now free to find others like themselves. Together we will fight for our right to be heard, understood and protected from discrimination. Then we can move on with our lives, perhaps finding spouses, or choosing to remain single, selecting a field of study, upon graduating we’ll find fulfilling employment and begin to give back to society. Then, as members of the LGBTQIA+ community, we can continue to create a diverse and vibrant community. That is a future we can all get behind!

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Proof There Are More Than Two Genders – Riley J. Dennis

Once again Riley puts out an excellent video! Riley is one of my favorite YouTubers and this is one of the best.

Here is the text that accompanied the video:

Non-binary identities are real. There are more than two genders. Here’s your proof, and the three steps you need to take to recognize this.
*Note* A few days before this video was published, a couple of large YouTubers made a video saying that non-binary identities are not real. This is not a response video; I scripted it weeks before I saw that video. It’s just coincidental timing, but I still hope that this video can help all you non-binary folks out there feel validated.

Please visit the YouTube page for this video to view the great links that accompany this video:

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Boy Or Girl? – It’s Victor and They’re Non-Binary

Since Victor/The BBC posted this wonderful short film introducing their gender identity, The American Conservative web site has chosen to ridicule Victor. In addition to showing no class this is also elitist and promotes non-binary erasure. So I thought it only fair to post the video here. Way to go Victor and don’t let the unimaginative conservatives clinging to their binary notion of gender get you down! Here’s how the video was meant to be introduced:

The single most common question Victor gets asked is “Are you a boy or are you a girl? ” Their answer to this question is “No”, which is rather confusing for some people. They are Non Binary, and that means they identify as something other than male or female. Victor breaks down why they see the obsession with gender and genitals as outdated: “Gender is what you feel, not what your parts are!”

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An Oft Ignored Reason Folks Want Trans Men and Women Out of Gendered Spaces

This is a fabulous bit of commentary!

Hand of Ananke


So, apparently this is still an issue. Despite no record of any trans woman, or man, ever molesting someone in a gendered space, the fear mongers still do their best to keep us out. They are helped out by proxies posing as thoughtful observers. These folks try to tell us that cis girls are brought up to be modest, and that undressing in front of “boys,” yes some of them deliberately misgender young trans women, is not a matter of fear, but of their sense of decency. The fact that they are asking another young woman to undress in front of boys is apparently lost on them. I find myself wondering what is it they are really afraid of, and then it dawned on me.

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Non-Binary Genders Explained by Upworthy 

Upworthy has really done a tremendous job in introducing non-binary genders to a general audience. There is the above video and this amazing article: http://www.upworthy.com/not-all-people-identify-as-male-or-female-take-a-look-inside-the-world-outside-the-gender-binary?g=3

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I Am Her – Shea Diamond 

A fabulous new transgender recording artist has just released her new single. Here’s her introduction to the song:

My name is Shea Diamond, Singer/Songwriter based in NYC by way of Flint, MI. I was born into a gender role that I did not accept & I didn’t feel like myself. Desperate to find the financial means to transition to my true gender, I committed a crime in 1999 & was sentenced to 10 years in a men’s prison. While incarcerated, I found a community that shared my trans experience – it was there where I found my voice. I began writing “I Am Her” as a statement to a world that said I shouldn’t exist. I wrote it as an anthem for all those that felt shunned for simply being who they were. In 2009 I was released from prison. Shortly after my release, I moved to New York City where I found a studio to record “I Am Her” and the means to create a video for my song. 

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My Gender Unicorn 


Gender Identity: Gender Identity: One’s internal sense of being male, female, neither of these, both, or another gender(s). Everyone has a gender identity, including you. For transgender people, their sex assigned at birth and their own internal sense of gender identity are not the same. Female, woman, and girl and male, man, and boy are also NOT necessarily linked to each other but are just six common gender identities.
Gender Expression/Presentation: The physical manifestation of one’s gender identity through clothing, hairstyle, voice, body shape, etc. Most transgender people seek to make their gender expression (how they look) match their gender identity (who they are), rather than their sex assigned at birth.
Sex Assigned at Birth: The assignment and classification of people as male, female, intersex, or another sex based on a combination of anatomy, hormones, chromosomes. It is important we don’t simply use “sex” because of the vagueness of the definition of sex and its place in transphobia. Chromosomes are frequently used to determine sex from prenatal karyotyping (although not as often as genitalia). Chromosomes do not determine genitalia.
Sexually Attracted To: Sexual Orientation. It is important to note that sexual and romantic/emotional attraction can be from a variety of factors including but not limited to gender identity, gender expression/presentation, and sex assigned at birth.
Romantically/Emotionally Attracted To: Romantic/emotional orientation. It is important to note that sexual and romantic/emotional attraction can be from a variety of factors including but not limited to gender identity, gender expression/presentation, and sex assigned at birth.

Example of how to fill out your own Gender Unicorn:

Many people were curious if agender and asexual people were included in this graphic. In short, they are. For example, identifying on the left of the sexuality spectra would indicate no attraction.

Changes from The Genderbread Person
You may recognize this graphic as similar to The Genderbread Person

by itspronouncedmetrosexual. We created a similar graphic with significant changes to more accurately portray the distinction between gender, sex assigned at birth, and sexuality.

The above text and graphic courtesy of Trans Student Educational Resources

Fairy JerBear at Santa Fe LGBTQIA+ Pride, June, 2016

My Gender Unicorn

This is who I am. My gender identity is “agender” technically meaning genderless. I, however, prefer the definition “beyond gender.” My gender expression tends to be more feminine or unisex but includes some masculine items. I was assigned male at birth. I’m physically/sexually attracted to men, specifically androgynous guys. I’m also attracted to trans masculine and many non-binary gender identified individuals. I prefer to use “queer” to label my sexual orientation, although the identity, “polysexual,” also applys. Finally I’m emotionally attracted to gentle, nurturing and loving individuals. These traits are found across genders, hence the selection of multiple genders in this catagory.

Had I been aware of these options in the early seventies, when I was in my mid-teens, my life would have taken a very different course. Thankfully I have now embraced my authentic self. I know it will take some time for many of you to process this information. All I ask from my family and friends is your tolerance, your acceptance and your virtual embrace.

Note: My Gender Unicorn differs from the example in that if a field doesn’t apply to me I left it blank. Thus on gender identity I only indicated that my identity was “other.”

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This Blog Is Five Years Old!

It’s hard to believe this blog is now five. It is a reflection of my interests, passions and identities. These years included my coming out as Trans/Genderqueer/Agender, my coming out for the second time, (my first time coming out was as a gay/queer man}.

As for the blog’s future; I have several posts that I have started but not finished. I hope to post them over the next two months along with anything else that moves me post. 

Thanks so much for being a reader/follower of my blog! Now onward to the future!

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I Remember 29 Years Ago Today – The March on Washinton, Saturday, October 11, 1987

My story, written before I had completely embraced my Trans/Agender Identity…

Fairy JerBear's Queer/Trans Musings From The City Different - Santa Fe, NM

This is National Coming Out Day which was initiated on the anniversary of the October 11, 1987 March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Right. I was there at that March 27 years ago and it remains one of the most powerful experiences I ever had.

I am have inserted a post I made a year ago as a part of my 3 part series about my journey from being a closeted Seventh-Day Adventist teen and son of a pastor to being an out and proud Queer Humanist Unitarian Universalist Atheist. I hope this helps someone else struggling today.

JerBear: My Story

I have described my own experience in a former post but I am going to repost it here so it is integrated into this post…

If you Google or Bing the word “Queer” you will soon come across folks that fully embrace the word, those that are timidly…

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Gender Pride Flags

A nice overview of gender flags and descriptions

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Power Concedes Nothing Without Demand. Trans Rights Now!

This is today’s Twitter thought for the day from the Santa Fe Trans and Gender Non-Conforming Support Group. This is my favorite quote, which has inspired my activism for nearly thirty years. The quote is in full:

“Let me give you a word of the philosophy of reform. The whole history of the progress of human liberty shows that all concessions yet made to her august claims have been born of earnest struggle. The conflict has been exciting, agitating, all-absorbing, and for the time being, putting all other tumults to silence. It must do this or it does nothing. If there is no struggle there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation are men who want crops without plowing up the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters.”

“This struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, and it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will. Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them, and these will continue till they are resisted with either words or blows, or with both. The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress. In the light of these ideas, Negroes will be hunted at the North and held and flogged at the South so long as they submit to those devilish outrages and make no resistance, either moral or physical. Men may not get all they pay for in this world, but they must certainly pay for all they get. If we ever get free from the oppressions and wrongs heaped upon us, we must pay for their removal. We must do this by labor, by suffering, by sacrifice, and if needs be, by our lives and the lives of others.”

Rights are never given away by the oppressors, a truth Frederick Douglas learned some hundred and fifty years ago. Over the years his words have echoed in my ears every time I picketed in front of institutions that needed to change. Sometimes it was an ACT-UP “actions,” other time it was Queer Nation or just a group of pissed of LGBTQ people. I have seen how people power can work when you have people working within the system and activists demanding rights on the outside. I’ve seen it result in new legislation, a change in regulations or speeding up approval process for anti-Viral medications or treatments for HIV/AIDS opportunistic infections. Now I advocate applying the same approach for demanding our rights as a trans community. Join me in whatever way is best for you. Together we can change hearts, minds, laws, regulations and other obstacles that prevent us from being fully equal members of society!

Power concedes nothing without demand. It never did and it never will. #FrederickDouglas #StandUpForTransRights #ThoughtForTheDay

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