Milestones: 60, 20 & 2

The following is the post I made on my Facebook page upon the occasion of my recent birthday.

So, I am now 60. I’ve decided to embrace my new decade of life. I have lived through many interesting and marvelous adventures. This is also close to the anniversary of my move, 20 years ago, to here in Santa Fe. The other anniversary I am celebrating is the second anniversary of my coming out to a friend as a non-binary/genderqueer person. So this day is significant for many reasons.

The most important anniversary is the second year of living as an out and proud Agender/Genderqueer person. I can finally live an authentic life, something that was denied to me for the first 58 years of life. I know that embracing my agender identity is confusing for some of you. Just imagine feeling that there was something missing in your life. This had gone on for decades. Sure their were times you felt you had discovered the answer only to discover the community, you had embraced, didn’t acknowledge your gender non-conformity. Then you heard that there were more gender identities than just man or woman. I learned that my feeling of genderlessness had a name; Agender. The more I read about non-binary gender identities, the more convinced I became that the identity “Agender” described me. I now have a whole new family that I can get help from or, in turn, provide support for another member of this new Trans family of choice. This new Trans family has meant so much to me. Together we are creating safe spaces and reliable friends to turn to when others need help.

So I have a new cause that I have become an activist for. I want to see a world where Trans people are accepted as a natural gender variant and, along with intersex people, are a normal part of the wonderful diversity of human experience.

So this day marks an important milestone in my life. I am celebrating my twentieth anniversary of becoming a New Mexican, the second anniversary of my coming out as an agender person and the sixtieth anniversary of my birth. All in all these are great milestones to be celebrated. So I am chasing the gloom away and putting a positive spin on the significance of these anniversaries. Thanks to all of you for your support along the way!

Fairy JeBear: 60 Years of Life, 20 Years as a New Mexican and 2 Years as an Out and Proud Agender/Genderqueer Person.

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Native and Trans People to the Front

I was moved when I heard my friend Stella deliver this important message at the Albuquerque Trans March. As a New Mexican I have had the wonderful opportunity to interact with many Native people and call them friends. I know that had European’s chosen to learn from their neighbors, who were the indigenous peoples of this country, much of the prejudice and fear around sexually and gender would be nonexistent. Instead Europeans imposed their religion and values on indigenous peoples, often at gun point, while stealing their land and forcing them to leave their homes.

Here’s a quote from the History News Network that looks at the shocking inhumanity and genocide endured by the indigenous peoples of North, Central and South America:

Thus, according to Ward Churchill, a professor of ethnic studies at the University of Colorado, the reduction of the North American Indian population from an estimated 12 million in 1500 to barely 237,000 in 1900 represents a”vast genocide . . . , the most sustained on record.” By the end of the 19th century, writes David E. Stannard, a historian at the University of Hawaii, native Americans had undergone the”worst human holocaust the world had ever witnessed, roaring across two continents non-stop for four centuries and consuming the lives of countless tens of millions of people.” In the judgment of Lenore A. Stiffarm and Phil Lane, Jr.,”there can be no more monumental example of sustained genocide—certainly none involving a ‘race’ of people as broad and complex as this—anywhere in the annals of human history.”

Here’s are some interesting  links followed by Stella’s remarks: and

13416737_1083065488435428_1417531592869337370_o by Stella Martin

This speech was originally given at the Albuquerque Trans March on June 9, 2016, just three days before a gunman murdered 49 (mostly Puerto Rican and Latino) people at a gay club in Orlando, Florida. Stella Martin is from Gallup, New Mexico and is a healthcare worker whose focus is HIV-AIDs and LGBTQ advocacy. She is also an organizer with The Red Nation.

The sun gleams itself down upon us, and the earth brings us stability and life.  Across its beautiful existence we stand; brown coffee skin to beige golden bodies. We are beautiful as ourselves, my sisters and brothers of color.

Yet all around us whiteness pervades and dominates our world, our homelands as indigenous people, our relationships with service and a mask of goodwill.

As indigenous people we were not supposed to be here, but we are.  As transgender, unidentified, naadleeh, winkte, llahmana, and all…

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Agender Art

I haven’t forgotten all those reader out there. I plan on a couple posts this week in honor of the second anniversary of coming out as agender. I thought this was an appropriate preview.

Fairy JerBear's Queer/Trans Musings From The City Different - Santa Fe, NM




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Can You Name All The Genders.

The folks at Curious Jack take a stab a naming all the genders.

An overview of the variety of gender identities. It is not a complete overview but is a good introduction.

There are more genders than male or female! Genderqueer, trans, two spirit…these are just a few of the diverse terms used to express gender identity. How familiar are you with the terminology.

Note: The video uses trans with an asterisk (Trans*) as the umbrella term for a wide variety of gender identities. This is a practice I have ceased to use. I believe that using Trans alone is now widely understood as an umbrella term for the wide diversity of gender identities.

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Sarah McBride, first transgender speaker at major political convention, addresses DNC 2016

Progress is measured by significant moments like these. 

Sarah McBride became the first transgender speaker at a major political convention when she spoke Thursday during the 2016 Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. 

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Raising Zay

Zay Crawford has felt like a girl since she was very young despite being assigned male at birth. With puberty fast approaching, she got an implant that suppressed the puberty process. This is the story of one family’s journey to acceptance and understanding of their 12 year-old daughter.

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Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Republican National Convention

The much anticipated look by John Oliver into the traumatic words spewing forth from Republicans in Cleveland last week.

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Our Weekly Wellness Round up Keeps You Up To Date

A roundup of this past week’s LGBTQ health stories.

LGBT HealthLink, The Network for Health Equity

Each week HuffPost Queer Voices, in a partnership with blogger Scout, LGBT HealthLink and researcher Corey Prachniak, brings you a round up of some of the biggest LGBT wellness stories from the past seven days. For more LGBT Wellness, visit our page dedicated to the topic here.

ToiletSignSneak Peek at Massive New Trans Survey Shows Bathrooms Are Major Issue

Over 27,000 people filled out the U.S. Transgender Survey last year; the full findings will be out soon but the good people at National Center for Transgender Equality have fast-tracked the findings on bathrooms. In the last year, 59 percent of trans people avoided using bathrooms, 31 percent avoided eating or drinking for this reason, 12 percent reported bathroom harassment or assault and 8 percent reported resultant kidney problems.

Trans Bathroom Debate Headed To Supreme Court

After a setback at a lower court, the Virginia school board that…

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Happily Ever After

A powerful post on how mental health issues often linger as a result of early trauma whether we’ve experienced verbal, sexual or physical abuse.

the quiet voice

Two truths, one lie:

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Are Gay Suicides “Collateral Damage”? Gay Man Hanged From A Tree in Atlanta

Me must do more to value the lives of LGBTQIA+ People of Color in our words and in our actions.

Unfinished Lives

Michael George Smith Jr., aka London Jermaine, found hanged in Atlanta's Piedmont Park. Michael George Smith Jr., aka London Jermaine, found hanged in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park.

Atlanta, Georgia – Trapped between anguish over family disapproval of his sexual orientation and nationwide protests over the police killings of black men, a young man climbed a tree in Atlanta’s Piedmont Park and hanged himself. Police discovered the body of 22-year-old London Jermaine, aka Michael George Smith Jr., hanged by the neck near the Charles Allen entrance to the popular urban park early on July 7. Smith, a resident of Midtown and computer science student, had migrated from Hackensack, New Jersey to take up a new life in Atlanta. While there is no evidence of foul play reported by Project Q Atlanta, Smith’s death is a casebook of reasons why the suicides of young gay men may be “murder by suicide,” in which the victims are driven by despair to take their own lives after…

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When the Colors of this Rainbow Fight

A heartfelt post/poem rom a gender/intersex activist that also reflects how I feel.

Mx. Anunnaki Ray

I am a Gender/Intersex Activist.

I entered this world to help you change things.

and yet I am excluded, talked badly about, and hurt by your lies.

When the Colors of this Rainbow fight,

it hurts this world, not just me.


I am a Gender/Intersex Activist.

I was hurt by this world like you were, but in a different way.

This world shit on us both.

Both of us made to feel broken,

because like you, they tried to fix me.

When the Colors of this Rainbow fight,

it hurts this world, not just me.

Please Stop!


I am a Gender/Intersex Activist.

I want the corrective surgeries on intersex babies to stop,

just like you do.

So why would you step on me?

Why would you stand in my way?

Why would you say lies about me?

Why would your heart be filled with so much hate,

and you try…

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Skylarkeleven: Interview With My Agender Friend Chandler

A lovely introduction to an Agender YouTuber 

Video on Chandlers! Chandler and I were lucky to meet at VidCon this year and we spent so much time together. I learned so much from them about being agender and their experience and wanted to share with you all a bit of who this lovely human is!
:20 – Chandler’s links –…

:47 – how do you identify?

1:00 – what is agender?

1:44 – beautiful sweater metaphor

2:20 – when/how did you discover you were agender?

4:48 – their pronouns are they/them/theirs😉

6:25 – what should we all know about being nonbinary? who would you recommend on YouTube?

7:50 – ashley mardell –

8:20 – laineybot –…

9:06 – kaitlyn alexander –…

9:15 – dumandsONE –

10:15 – favorite color?

10:20 – what do you do when you feel down?

10:50 – if you could have any superpower…

thank you so much for joining me, Chandler! until we meet again xoxo






Merch & Tanks & Shirts:…

Email (for business, speaking, performing etc inquiries only please!):


Chandler’s YouTubers Come Out as NonBinary Video

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You already use this singular gender-neutral pronoun | Justin Dennis

My preferred pronoun explained 

They. You may think that this word always has to be plural, but it doesn’t. They makes a perfectly good singular gender-neutral pronoun, and in fact, you’re already using it.

Using “they” as a singular gender-neutral pronoun not only makes a lot of sense linguistically, but it also respects gender nonbinary individuals who don’t want to go by “he” or “she”.
(This video is slightly out of focus. Sorry about that. Filming in a new location and it’s taking some getting used to.)

My video on linguistic discrimination and how languages changes:…

My previous video about how and why we need to caption/subtitle YouTube videos:…

Everyone Uses Singular ‘They,’ Whether They Realize It Or Not:…

American Dialect Society:…

Thou was singular, you was plural:

Singular “they” and the many reasons why it’s correct:…

Sorry, grammar nerds. The singular ‘they’ has been declared Word of the Year:…

‘They,’ the Singular Pronoun, Gets Popular:…

Playlist of videos:…







Snapchat: JustinDennis4

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Margot’s Story – All Of Us – YouTube

From the good folks at Minus 18 in Australia comes Margot’s story.

Margot enjoys photography, filmmaking, art and design. Her cultural background is both Malaysian and Romanian and she grew up with the traditions of both the Jewish and Catholic faiths. Margot explains that being trans is about how you feel inside and see yourself. 
‘All of Us’ is a ground-breaking educational resource created by Minus18 and Safe Schools Coalition Australia which will allow teachers in classrooms across Australia to discuss and support gender diversity and sexual diversity. The program has been developed to have a real impact on student attitudes towards lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people and to encourage whole school change that affirms and supports the right of all students, staff and families feel safe while at school. 
Creative Director and Filmmaker – Margot Fink

Executive Producer – Chris Bush

Minus18 is Australia’s largest youth-led organisation for same-sex attracted and gender diverse young people. This is where we belong.





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How Many Genders Are There? Understanding Non-Binary Genders

Worth a second look.

Fairy JerBear's Queer/Trans Musings From The City Different - Santa Fe, NM

This is an excellent overview of gender diversity, gender non-conforming and non-binary gender identities. The presenter, Justin Dennis, does a good job of explaining the topic. Watch this after watching the USA Today introductionto gender diversity.

Here are resources recommend by Justin:, a wiki-type website with brief definitions:

Gender Diversity’s list of terminology:

Gender Spectrum’s great explanation of gender, sex, and various other terms:

Kinsey Confidential’s explanation of gender nonconformity:

A HuffPo article dispelling myths about gender nonconforming children:

An indepth Washington Post article about one agender person and their struggles:

Wikipedia’s take on the idea of the third gender:

Wikipedia’s article on gender variance, with links to other terms available:

When girls starting wearing pink and boys started wearing blue: (Hint: more recent than you think)

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Jon Stewart Returns and Unleashes on a Fox News Commentator and Republicans

Jon appearing on The Late Show With Stephen Cobert to put into words what we were feeling after watching the Republican Convention.

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What Bernie Sanders Gave to America Today

A great perspective on Bernie endorsing Hillary and why we should and then hold her accountable during her presidency.



Today, my hero, Bernie Sanders, endorsed Hillary Clinton, a woman that I truly believe is sociopathic, for the office of the President of the United States and then immediately the sun hid behind a cloud and it began to rain.

I was grateful for the rain.

It’s been pretty humid here for the last several days and I was in need of the empathy.

I fought back tears as I left the gym.

I am not afraid to cry.

I just prefer to do it while I am writing.

I went home and grabbed my laptop.

I knew all this fire stinging my eyes was way too complex to be worked out with a box of tissues or a ton of free weights.

I made a point to stay off social media.

I had no time for haters, turncoats or conspiracy theorists.

I drove to the coffee shop and put in…

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Breaking: Governor of Massachusetts Signs Transgender Bill Into Law

As a former resident of Massachusetts, who has friends who’ve been active in the campaign for full trans protection, I am so thrilled. Thanks Massachusetts for letting compassion and equality win out over hate and prejudice!


MA becomes first and only state this year to pass transgender -inclusive protections, including restrooms and locker rooms 

Screen Shot 2016-07-08 at 1.56.01 PM Governor Charlie Baker

BOSTON – Today Governor Charlie Baker, a Republican, signed a transgender public accommodations bill into law making Massachusetts the only state this year to pass a bill updating state law to ensure full protections for transgender people from discrimination in all areas of life, including public restrooms. The legislation passed with an emergency preamble provision that instructs the law to become effective sooner than the usual 90-day period, on October 1, 2016.

“Massachusetts by all counts has bucked a national trend of political attacks against the transgender community and offered a simple but powerful acknowledgement to us today: that we are human beings, worthy of respect and deserving of equal protection under law,” said Kasey Suffredini, chief program officer of Freedom for All Americans and co-chair of Freedom…

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Adam Lambert’s New Video For ‘Welcome To The Show featuring Laleh’ is, “About Facing Who You Are And OWNING It.” 

Here’s how Adam described the intent of the video and his reason for creating it:

“Welcome To The Show is an anthem about facing exactly who you are and OWNING it. Its intended as a mantra to inspire strength and PRIDE. After recording the song a few months ago, I felt very compelled to create a video to further communicate it’s meaning.

I notice such diversity in my audiences when I’m on tour: Young, old, male, female, Trans, Gay, Straight, White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, and every beautiful in-between. The common bond is that they are all HUMAN BEINGS. No matter how we identify, the human heart has a universal set of emotions and needs. Sure it’s idealistic, but couldn’t we be recognizing our similarities, instead of our differences? It all comes down to Identity. We as a society are obsessed with how to classify and define each person. There are new labels invented monthly for how to describe new “types”. In some cases, these labels are needed to empower us and give us clarity, but it seems that at some point, all the categorizing can become quite divisive. I’ve seen so many people trapped by the identity they put so much effort into maintaining, or shunned by choosing not to. I have fallen into that trap myself. True Individuality seems daunting in our age of social media popularity contests. Sometimes it’s terrifying to face your true, whole self, stripped of any pretense. The good, the bad, the cracks, and the scars. I am no stranger to the feeling of not liking myself. Once I get past my own body image issues, I realize that I sometimes also neglect my own spirit. Living in a world filled with so much hatred sometimes makes cultivating self-love a very difficult task. I have always struggled with this as I’m sure many of you have. My path is a kind of paradox in that I get to share my craft with the world, but also be willing to throw myself to the wolves. To dare to be different, but still wanting to be accepted. There is vast beauty to be found in life’s contradictions. This non-binary reality allows us to lead happy, expressive lives, and yet this very freedom comes with great risks. I’m not alone in this limbo. Through my art, I pledge to bring empathy and courage to anyone who has been made to feel unworthy or ashamed while daring to be themselves.

This is the first time I’ve produced my own music video. With the help of my friend and long- time collaborator Lee Cherry, we set out to co-direct something notably honest. I spoke with Laleh (the brilliant songwriter who is featured on the song) and we agreed on the vulnerability we wanted captured on screen. I think the more we as artists share ourselves openly, the more someone out there may feel inspired to do the same. I also felt a strong feeling of empowerment in creating this video independent of the label system. It was time to shoot this one on my own. This video isn’t about selling a song, or product placement, or racking up viral views. This is intended simply as a creative expression. What resulted on set came from a very free and organic headspace that allowed me to connect with the camera as if it were each person who’s supported me over the last 7 years. This video is a thank you to all of you who have lined up to see the Original High World Tour. To everyone who has listened and shared my songs and given me the purpose to keep moving forward. It’s a thank you to all of you who choose to accept and Love who YOU are! We hold each other up! I want you to keep celebrating exactly who you are, even if you don’t fit into the worlds ideas of what they think you should be. Take your flaws in stride, nurture your talents, take pride in your Queerness, and share all the love you have. — Adam Lambert.”

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A response to “Gender is not a spectrum” by Rebecca Reilly-Cooper

Rarely have Iseen such an excellent response to TERF criticism of trans people. Here an agender author picks apart the arguments by Rebecca Reilly-Cooper. The result is a validation of non-binary gender identities and the modern trans movement.


Alright, where to begin…

The title, first of all, is extremely misleading. Although the idea of “gender as a spectrum”is used in the arguing of the point, the conclusion is not that gender is not a spectrum, but that if gender is a spectrum, everyone is non-binary, nobody is cisgender, and that gender is nothing more than the fixed roles placed on people at birth due to their genitals. The title then of gender not being a spectrum is really a Trojan horse to win team TERF a chance to peddle the fundamentals of their worldview in an attempt to get people to back bigoted legislation which restricts the freedoms and opportunities of transgender people.

TERF is a word which stands for “trans-exclusionary radical feminism” as opposed to most other forms of radical feminism which are trans inclusive. In my opinion, trans-exclusionary radical feminism can be compared to any other…

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